I don’t know very much about either of these and their impact on relationship compatibility.
However, I think they can be used positively when they encourage people to take chances on relationships or to be open to love.
What you can look for when hoping to find relationship compatibility is someone who is open to trying new things, to hearing feedback and to evolving themselves.
If you look for just one person to meet all your needs, you’re setting yourself up for disaster.
Even when you find the ideal choice for you, that person will not share all of your interests or meet all of your needs.
It is also important to have friendships, a broader base of support and companionship, so you can fulfill all aspects of yourself.
What inner dynamics were at play that hurt your interpersonal relationships? Do you try and control the course of the relationship? By identifying your own defenses and critical inner voices, you can separate the real you from those unhealthy adaptations you’ve formed from hurtful past experiences.
However, on the flip side, people can use any input to limit themselves, to think negatively about themselves or potential partners.
Whatever your belief system, it’s important to believe in yourself and your power to change.
When we connect based on unhealthy traits that fit together, the reasons we are drawn to a person eventually become the reason we are repelled by that person.
Someone we saw as having “good values” could start to seem “judgmental.” Someone we chose for being “stable” may eventually seem “dull.” Someone we found very “charismatic” may soon strike us as “narcissistic.”To avoid choosing partners for the wrong reasons, our quest for a compatible relationship should never be a search for our “missing piece.” When we seek out someone who “completes” us, we might limit ourselves and our personal growth.
We tend to chose partners who treat us like we were treated in our family, so our adaptations fit.